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Yup. That’s me.

I sent that text to my boyfriend Anthony while I was laying on the ground in a pool of blood and simultaneously speaking on my airpods in my usual polished, calm, executive tone about delivery deadlines and competitive strategies.

An hour later hearing the emergency room doctor (who was looking at me bug-eyed) say, “Maaan, this is a LOT of blood!” actually felt comforting because I knew she’d use every resource necessary to make sure I didn’t die.

I did end up telling that conference call client something was wrong the next day when I had to miss an onsite meeting because I was still in-patient in the hospital (but of course made it sound like it was no big deal).

My freight-train life has the background music in my head of Eric Bibb singing (like no one else can):

https://youtu.be/2zRtpX60XD0

Just keep goin’ on
Just keep goin’ on
Just keep goin’ on
Just keep goin’ on
Take every knock as a boost
And every stumbling block as a stepping stone
Lift up your head and hold your own
Just keep goin’ on

But my freight-train self had avoided the more gentle, recommended forms of reflection and meditation, instead was forced to face my limitations over a plastic hospital container, puking from anti-hemorrhaging medication.

When I finally laid back in the bed, looking up, I thought about the advice I’d like to give myself back when those 1990’s ceiling tiles were hung.

Time is passing, life is passing and we’re just a vapor here.
The universe is hurtling through space at 1.3 million miles per hour while I obsess over impermanent minutiae. I – we all – might as well live.

I’d basically become like the Black Knight from Monty Python – you know the one who had challenged an opponent to a fight and lost limb after limb, until he was nothing but a stump of a body, still shouting at the other knight,

“Tis but a flesh wound!… Come back here and fight me like a man! … I’ll bite your legs off!”https://youtu.be/ZmInkxbvlCs

I REALLY RELATE TO THAT GUY.

Basically my ‘never give up’ tenacity-idealism, had run me into the ground.

And my recovery hasn’t been swift. The summer contained multiple surgeries, complications, pain that made putting sentences together difficult.

I refunded clients who had pre-paid for projects and discounted contracts where I couldn’t show up fully. And of course my mailbox had plenty of medical bills roll in.

I had the opportunity to let the stress of all of it compound what I was already dealing with.

But throughout the wild ride, I kept coming back to this thought.

Chaos is something we simply can’t avoid.

Sure you can build amazing plans and stockpile resources and follow all the guidebooks in the world.

But we are never really in control of anything. People we depend on let us down, sometimes in the most heartbreaking ways. Pipelines of money dry up. Business relationships end. Houses decay. Bodies age.

CHAOS IS INEVITABLE.

Marketers tell us that if we just invest in the right 401K and wear the right creams and schmooze our way into the right social circles, we’ll be safe.

But they’re lying.

Every business you know of is on its way out of business, most likely. Maybe not now, but at some point in time, it won’t exist. Most houses that people spend their lifetime of energy to pay for, are quietly falling apart. All of us are dying.

And even the living are becoming new, different people, all the time, and not always evolving in the direction we wish they would.

We have no control over chaos. It is the force behind the weather and the tides and solar systems colliding light years away.

I had an option though.

Instead of resisting the things that happen to me, instead of flexing like a rigid wall trying to hold back the floods, I could relax my tense mind and learn to become a student of the ebb and flow of all of this.

Here’s the idea that carried me through my ‘summer of blood and pain’:

DANCE WITH THE CHAOS.

DANCE WITH THE CHAOS.

That’s it. Don’t make your circumstances your enemy.

Just dance with it.

Instead of merely resisting and pushing and fighting and wrestling with the impossible boulders that weigh on you so heavily in life, transform the resources you have at hand into your dance partner. Find the music, find a song that can carry you, find an updraft. When you’re done spiraling into despair and laying there under the weight of defeat, let your mind wander over to possibilities.

Make your perceived enemy your teacher – learn how you’ve been beaten, how you got here, how you were blinded. Mute the noise of modern life until you can hear the wise thoughts that lighten your steps. Accept the fact that you are in the circumstances you’re in today and that the sun still rises after every disaster.

That’s how I kept moving on, by dancing with it. And as I age, and as my body does more of what bodies do as they age, I’m going to keep dancing.

And next time – if something ER-worthy happens, I’ll go ahead and get off the conference call like a reasonable person would.

Thank you for reading.

In a world full of dizzying news, tweets and emojis, and always apologizing for not following up with someone, I wanted to take some time and begin to write thoughtfully about what I’m learning in life. Thanks for reading my blog and please reach out on social or email to share your thoughts. Subscribe if you’d like to, 
REBECCA (BECKY) J. TIFFANYP.S. If Dance with the Chaos resonates with you – you can join me in wearing it to help you remember the mindset here ->

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The post The Chaos Response appeared first on Rebecca J. Tiffany.